Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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