You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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