Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
