Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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