Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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