just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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