so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
