Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
