i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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