I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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