so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
