a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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