Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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