Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
