Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
