I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
