I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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