are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She said her name was "party"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
