so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Damn victory sex feels great
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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