i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
