A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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