Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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