I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's rum buckets o'clock
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
