Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
