I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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