So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This is the high leading the old right now
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
