the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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