It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Farmville is her only friend.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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