Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
