Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
