Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
