Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
