I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
