Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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