i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
