so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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