honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
