Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
