obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
