Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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