on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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