I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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