Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
