he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
