idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
