A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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