didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
