we have officially lost it.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Someone signed my nipple.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
