Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
