But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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