toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
