speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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