sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All I want is dick and wine.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
