I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
