he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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