I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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