you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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