Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Ppl just aren't as funny as we are

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself

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(718): View more from New York

he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs

(1-718): View more from New York

I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.

(718): View more from New York

the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.

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(517): View more from Michigan

Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you

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(727): View more from Florida

you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?

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(440): View more from Ohio

I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends

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(423): View more from Tennessee

...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over

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(330): View more from Ohio

It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit

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