if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
