i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
