The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
