he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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