I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
