ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
