Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i need an iv and a liver transplant
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
