The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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