Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
