I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
