forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
