I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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