i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
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I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
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I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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