she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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