dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
