so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
