ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I supernannyed him into submission
I need to align my fucking chakras
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
