you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
