I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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