are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
