when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
