You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
