Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
