I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Randomize
