I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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