She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
