I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
