So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
