Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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