I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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