my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Will exercising make me less horny?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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